| This is a transcribed copy for the episode "Solaricks." Feel free to edit or add to this page as long as the information comes directly from the episode. |
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Rick: Ugh, guess this is how it ends. I thought I was better than this. Dramatic voiceover while stranded in space? I-I guess when you're dying, the first thing to go is your creativity. Citadel's gone, and-and the saucer we escaped in is out of power.
Alternate Morty: Oh man, I'm so scared in here …
Rick: The extra Mortys went feral—
Alternate Morty: Gahhhh!
[He is attacked and devoured by a pack of feral Mortys.]
Rick: (cont'd) —Eh, some problems solve themselves. Been drinking a lot—Morty! I told you to write this down! I-I don't have a helmet like that Avengers guy did!—been drinking a lot of my piss. Portal Gun's still broken.
Morty: (interrupting) Guess that was all part of Evil Morty's plan.
Rick: "Evil Morty". Can we stop flattering this guy? His plan was to monologue and f*ck off! He basically threw a tantrum to announce he was quitting twitter!
Morty: Nobody quits Twitter. (pauses) Hey, remember, like a second ago, when you pretended to not know who Iron Man was. Who was that for?
Rick: Shh, shh, shush, Morty. This is how we go. Bear it with grace. (addressing cybernetics) Spinal cord, Robitussin as a base, then surprise me. (groans)
[Morty crawls to Rick's side. They close their eyes, waiting for death.]
[The sound of tapping on glass resonates throughout the saucer.]
[Trans. A shot of the dome of the saucer. Through the glass, a woman is seen wearing a spacesuit and floating in space. Further away, Space Beth's spacecraft is seen. The camera zooms in to reveal that it is her who is tapping on the glass.]
Morty: Mom!
Rick: Beth, maybe!
[Beth cups her hands and begins to speak, but Rick and Morty hear nothing.]
Rick: Is she trying to say something? (yells) We-we can't hear you! How dumb are … Beth, you're in a vacuum, sound travels on air! [He puts his head in his hands] Why am I yelling?
[Beth fiddles with a device on her arm. It projects a message:]
Space Beth: (in text) IS THIS A PRIVATE PARTY? OR CAN ANYONE JOIN?
Morty: (rolls eyes) Wow. Great.
Rick: (obvious distaste) Yeah, that's … Wow. Really worth it. That was not worth it! It's corny! (gestures) You! Corn! Dying of starvation here!
Space Beth: WHEN I DECIDED TO SAY IT, I DIDN'T KNOW IT WOULD BE …
Morty: Oh my God, stop explaining! (yells) Stop explaining!
Space Beth: … SUBJECTED TO THIS SCRUTINY.
Rick: Are you finished? (pauses, exasperated) She's not finished.
Space Beth: MAYBE I WON'T RESCUE YOU.
Rick: Oh, real mature!
Morty: Oh, nice.
Rick: Real classy.
[TITLE SEQUENCE]
[Ext. The Smith Residence. Beth's spacecraft lands on the driveway.]
Rick: (reassuringly) It was a good line, honey.
Space Beth: (with disdain) I didn't need it to be. I don't care what you think.
[Home Beth emerges from the garage with a couple sandwiches on a plate.]
Home Beth: (relieved) Oh my god, she found you. Here, eat. Eat.
Morty: Oh hell yes!
Rick: Hold on, buddy. Our systems could go into shock from solid food. (addressing robot which rolls out from the garage) Digestibot, convert to nutrient mass.
[He stuffs a sandwich into Digestibot's mouth-shaped food receptacle. The sandwich is mashed up, processed, and its remains deposited into a bowl with a 'ding'. Rick hands the resulting mush to Morty. Morty takes a bite and gags.]
Rick: I'm just gonna risk it.
[He takes a bite and groans in satisfaction.]
Home Beth: Since when do you guys get stranded? (turns to Space Beth) Thank you, by the way.
Space Beth: Almost left them out there.
Rick: Portal travel's broken. [He takes another bite.] Mmm. Are these heirloom tomatoes? Digestibot, try these.
[He feeds a slice of tomato to Digestibot as Morty looks on in horror.]
Digestibot: Yum. Yum.
Home Beth: So you can't hop realities anymore? Does that mean you'll finally have to wash your robe?
Rick: Good point. They need to reboot the Portal Index immediately.
[He moves over to his workbench and begins to work on his broken portal gun, emptying the portal fluid into a basin.]
Rick: Basically just a hard reset on the fluid. Hold tight, the Earth's gonna shake a bit.
[He pulls a lever hooked up to the portal gun. The lights go out as the portal gun draws all power in the house. The whole setup buzzes, whirs, and emits a neon green glow before the glow spreads to the house. Shots of the house, the Earth, and the corpses of Ricks and Mortys in deep space as the glow spreads out from Rick's lab. The corpses begin flashing with the same colour as the portal fluid.]
[Int. Garage. The process powers down. Suddenly, our Rick and Morty begin flashing too.]
Space Beth: Uhh …
[The lights come back on.]
Home Beth: Oh!
Rick: (claps a hand to his forehead) Oh, sh*t.
Morty: (looks at his flashing hands) Wait, what? What's happening?
[Rick begins fumbling with the junk on his desk (offscreen) before pulling out a device showing what is presumed to be a schematic of the local group of universes.]
Rick: Instead of resetting portal travel, I may have reset portal travellers. Too late to apologise.
[Jerry barges into the room.]
Jerry: Rick, why am I pulsing green? And don't say you don't know, because you're pulsing green.
Morty: (worried) Rick, are we about to die?
Rick: (annoyed) No, we're about to vanish from this reality.
[He begins to collect various items to construct a makeshift device.]
Jerry: That's totally dying!
Rick: No it isn't! It's everyone from this reality returning to their reality of origin.
Morty: Back to our original universes!
Rick: I explained it fine, Morty. You're spoonfeeding spoons. Where is Summer?
[Summer walks in.]
Summer: Oh nice, you guys are back. [She notices the flashing.] Whoa.
Rick: (urgently) Summer, three of us are one-way blind-hopping. You gotta help us get back. There's a protocol for this in your chores server, filename 'Booger-Aids'.
[He hands her the finished device.]
Summer: Every file is 'Booger-Aids'!
Rick: I—I hate naming things! Just search for words like 'one-way blind-hop, reset map beacon'.
Jerry: (terrified) Why do I have a reality of origin?
Rick: There's no time to explain, Jerry. Counting on you, Summer! One-way blind-hop beacon protocol. (raises arms in excitement) Here we gooooo!
[The pulsing continues, but the three displaced characters do not vanish. Rick stops in disappointment.]
Jerry: So there was time to explain.
Rick: Don't waste extra precious seconds with your pettiness, Jerry! (to Summer) Summer, let's run down—
Summer: One-way blind-hop reset beacon, 'booger-aids'.
Rick: (surprised) Cool. [Long pause.] Wow.
Jerry: (outraged) There was so much time to explain!
Rick: Yes, fine! Hindsight is 20-20. Who has ever taken this long to vanish?
Jerry: How did I end up not in my own universe?! (realises) Oh, my god. The Jerryboree.
Rick and Morty: (deadpan) Oh! The Jerryboree!
Rick: (mockingly) Deep cut.
[They vanish. Summer sets down the device—now revealed to be a beacon—and gets to work opening a secret hatch on the floor.]
Home Beth: Wait, but where's our real dad and our real Morty?
Summer: (cuts in) Buried in the backyard. [She disappears from view.]
Home Beth: That's what the possums are after.
[Int. Rick's Secret Basem*nt. Summer is seen at her workstation which prints out her instructions (see Morty's Mind Blowers) and gives her a glowing coin. The twin Beths climb down the ladder to meet her.]
Space Beth: Dad's got you in the family business too, huh?
[Summer heads to a vending machine on one end of the room and puts the coin in.]
Summer: Yeah, Morty's an easy mark, but Rick pays me in things like …
[Out comes a pair of gloves with long sleeves made of a clear material. The fabric is absorbed into her skin. Summer proceeds to unsheathe a pair of long claws from her knuckles. She smirks.]
Summer: (cont'd) Wolverine claws.
Space Beth: Well, looks like you got this. See you guys in another—two years? [She turns to leave.]
Summer: Or you could stick around for this one? Looks like it involves Grandpa's grotty citadel. (pleading) We could, you know, break things, loot stuff.
Space Beth: (hesitates) I should … probably get back to … saving the galaxy.
Summer: Please?
Space Beth: (gives in) Guess I could loot some stuff. Fine. Yeah. Okay. Let's make it quick.
Home Beth: (feigns excitement) Awesome, I've never been. Let's do this. Okay. Adventure family. Woo! (laughs)
Summer: Uhh … Okay!
[Ext. Rick's Garage in Dimension C-137. The garage door is open, with the blast marks from Rick Prime's bomb clearly visible. A blueprint of Rick's first portal gun is pinned up on the wall.]
[Rick materialises in the driveway.]
Rick: f*ck.
[He enters the garage. He first touches the blast centre, then replays a holographic recording of his encounter with Rick prime.]
Rick Prime: (offended) Excuse me? Bro, Ricks don't pass on this.
[The holograph vanishes. As Rick regains his bearings, a female voice calls from the next room over.]
Voice: Rick, is that you?
Rick: (defeated) Yeah, Diane.
Diane: You've been gone so long. (passive-aggressively) Did you find our daughter's killer?
Rick: Not yet, sorry. Still looking. [He blows the dust off a hidden safe.]
Diane: You'll find him. You always do everything you set your mind to, except keep your family alive. But that was hardly your fault.
Rick: (ashamed, to the AI) Mute.
Diane: (distorted) If I could be muted, I wouldn't be too-too-too good at haunting you, would I, you dirty bear?
Rick: Yeah. I forgot I wanted to be haunted. [He keys in the code to the safe. He reaches in and pulls out a bottle of liquor and a tumbler glass.]
Diane: I guess you predicted you might. That's where haunting comes in handy, huh?
Rick: Very good point, sugar.
[Ext. Smith Residence of the Prime Dimension. The house is in an even worse condition than in The Rickshank Rickdemption, with moss, overgrowth, and trees reclaiming the area.]
[Morty materialises on the pavement. He heads into the dilapidated building and explores its innards.]
Morty: Rick?
[He enters the living room and heads up the stairs.]
Morty: Hello? Original family? Sorry about last time. Rick, he was in space prison. We couldn't just—hello?
[He opens the door to his old room. A hostile Cronenberg jumps out.]
Morty: Aaaah!
[He runs. The Cronenberg gives chase. Morty runs into Rick's basem*nt, where he pushes a shelf over and finds a dagger. As the Cronenberg rushes in, he tussles with and kills the monster.]
Morty: (disgusted) Aw, geez.
[He climbs to the roof and sees a pillar of smoke in the distance.]
Morty: Ah!
[Morty is seen walking by the remains of an old house and a relatively intact camping van, carrying a backpack and water canteen and holding a spear. A pile of smouldering charcoal—the remains of a fire—is front and centre. Morty inspects the ground and finds footprints heading away. He follows.]
[Int. of a grocery store. As Morty walks in and looks around, he spots a p*rno stand in one corner of the store.]
Morty: (aroused) Oh!
[He flips open one as a shadowy figure approaches him. Morty notices, and in alarm, throws a spear at the figure and hits its shoulder. The figure gasps in pain, and, as he moves into the light, reveals himself to be a bearded Jerry.
Jerry Prime: Agh! Ah, f*ck! Dammit Morty, there's no doctors anymore.
Morty: (in disbelief) Dad!?
[Space. Beth's spaceship flies towards the ruined Citadel of Ricks. The rift caused by Evil Morty's escape is seen at bottom right.]
[Int. Citadel. The twin Beths and Summer head deeper into the ruins, clad in spacesuits.]
Home Beth: Figures it's underwhelming, the one time I visit.
Summer: Yeah, sorry, usually, there's cowboy Rick and Mortys and stuff.
Home Beth: Looks like they could use a couple repairmen Ricks and Mortys, right?
[They reach Evil Morty's launch chamber. The place is ruined, with piping and broken glass lining the platforms leading up to the launch track. The trio spots a group of scavengers looking for loot.]
Summer: Oh, tight! Little scavenger dudes. If they shoot at us, I'm allowed to …
[The scavengers promptly shoot at the trio.]
Summer: (cont'd) do this. [She unsheathes her claws and dashes at the scavengers.] sh*t, yeah.
[She begins slicing the scavengers to pieces. The surviving scavengers are enraged by this.]
Summer: Space Mom, get in on this!
[Space Beth launches homing bullets at the scavengers, killing most of the others. The bullets return to her hand and are revealed to be her fingers.]
Summer: Cool Mom.
Space Beth: Let's keep it moving. I don't have all day.
[A lone straggler appears and roars at the pair, but is promptly shot down by Home Beth. They are shot in the side and are in great pain.]
Home Beth: I got it! I got it. (to the straggler) Sorry! [She fires again.] Sorry! [And again.] I got it. Sorry!
[She fires at the wounded scavenger at point-blank range multiple times and even hits their head with her blaster but fails to kill them, causing further agony. Space Beth puts them out of their misery by blowing a hole in their chest with a high-powered gun.]
Home Beth: (awkwardly) I was … gonna do it …
Summer: (to Space Beth, mockingly) Ugh, terrestrials, am I right?
[Int. Rick's Garage in C-137. Rick has built a much fancier version of his Space Cruiser which occupies most of the space in the garage. A copy of the beacon given to Summer has been mounted on the dashboard.]
Diane: I kept up the search in your absence. You want a new list of potential locations?
Rick: You're always just one room away, huh? [He grabs a bottle of beer from the kitchen fridge.]
Diane: Yeah. Remember, if you thought you could see or touch me, it might give you a level of (distorted) com-com-comfort.
Rick: Right, can't have that. Come on, Summer. [He pulls up an image of the rift under the Citadel. The coordinates he is aiming for are undetermined.]
Diane: Who's Summer? Should I be jealous? I hope (distorted) Summer knows what happens to the people you love!
[This takes Rick down a notch.]
[The doorbell rings. Rick heads for the front door, arms his gun, and opens it. An ancient man is at the door. He has a cataract in his right eye and has a definite slouch.]
Old Man: Hey, Rick!
Rick: Hey, Mr Goldmanbachmajorian. S-still alive, huh? What's up?
Mr. GBM: I was hoping you could help me make sense of a note I found this morning? It's written by someone claiming to be me. They say my mind is 'held captive in a time loop, trapped in the day of a traumatic event by the agony of a formidable intelligence, but also that my captor forgot about aging, that my body spoils and yearns for death while my soul remains stuck in place, caught like a fly in amber.'
[Rick looks around. An old man, though not as old as Mr. GBM, in the garb of a newspaper boy riding a bike tosses a paper on the front lawn of the Sanchez residence, where piles of identical newspaper have built up. An old crone dressed as a hippie drags the bare skeleton of a dog along the pavement. She waves absently at Rick and Mr. GBM.]
Rick: (with guilt) Right. I used to drink drink. (turns to Mr. GBM) Uhh … no clue pal.
Mr. GBM: That's okay. I found other notes in the trash just like it. Poor weirdo. I pity them. Wish they could let go and move on.
Rick: Sounds healthy.
Mr. GBM: Sure would be!
[Rick shuts the door and opens a hidden panel to the left, revealing a lever and pulling it. The sound of something powering down is heard. A dull thump is heard, followed by a gasp of relief issued by (presumably) Mr. GBM.]
Mr. GBM: Aaah, sweet death!
[Int. Garage.]
Diane: Was that symbolic? Are you letting go? I understand, baby. I forgive you!
Rick: (cuts in from inside the cruiser, furious) You don't get to say that, you're not her! You're a thing I built to torture myself. (aside) This whole f*cking timeline is cursed. I gotta get out of here.
Diane: Because you want to move on.
Rick: Because I don't! And (burps) I have to. I came back on accident. The guy I'm looking for, he's... he's not findable, Diane. [He closes his eyes in regret.] I live with a version of Beth now.
Diane: Sounds like a version of nice.
[Rick fiddles with the beacon.]
Rick: We have grandkids. That's who Summer is. She's going to get me out of here. (looks towards the empty doorway) She reminds me of you.
Diane: Oh really? Is she dead too?
Rick: (ignores her, despondent) Bye, Diane.
Diane: You're not honestly going to fly into that rift without coordinates, are you? Don't give up on us, Rick. I don't make the rules. Haunters gonna haunt.
[Rick steels himself. The cruiser flies out of the garage, Mr. GBM's lifeless arm and his note in view.]
[Trans. to Rick aiming his cruiser straight for the rift. The undetermined coordinates manifest as a yellow dot darting around the dashboard display. The voice of Diane follows him.]
Diane: Baby, are you killing yourself?
Rick: I'm more embracing the win-win of risking my life.
[He enters the rift. Myriad patterns appear all around him as he traverses what is assumed to be extradimensional space.]
[Trans. Prime Dimension. Morty and Jerry Prime are sitting around a campfire back in the original Smith residence.]
Morty: Where's Mom and Summer?
Jerry Prime: Oh, they're gone. Sorry, Morty.
Morty: Gone gone?
Jerry Prime: We spent a long time in that ice. A gentle mutant licked us out, but Beth got sick and Summer... didn't thaw right.
(Jerry Prime grunts as he cauterizes his wound using a dagger)
Jerry Prime: With no one left to blame, I finally had to deal with myself. Buried my grief at Barnes & Noble, "Four Agreements", "Eat Pray Love", Frank Miller's "The Dark Knight Returns". Learned to accept things for what they are.
(Jerry Prime grunts as he cuts open the dead Cronenberg's head, then reaches inside and pulls out its brain)
Jerry Prime: In a few of these, the whole brain is still intact. Makes you wonder if some people were still in there, (cuts open the brain using a cleaver) just trapped in the horror. Anyway, it's awesome protein.
Morty: I'm so sorry, Dad. But my real, original Dad beat the apocalypse. I-I-I guess we all underestimated you. Hey, w-what's that game we always try to play as a family, y—the one we never finished?
Jerry Prime: Downbeat.
Morty: Yes! Let's play Downbeat. I-I bet I can find it! We can finish now!
Jerry Prime: Yeah, you should totally do that.
(Morty rushes out of the room, peeks under a bed and finds "Downbeat".)
Morty: Hey, yeah, cool, I-I got it! We'll play Downbeat and we'll-we'll camp here tonight and then rebuild the house. (Starts carrying the box out of the room and downstairs) You know, we got food, fresh water, and we've got family.
(Morty has now headed back to the fire, only to realize that Jerry Prime had left and that there was a note taped to the sofa.)
Morty: The f*ck? (drops the game and runs over to read the note on the sofa)
Jerry Prime: (written) Morty. I wrote this note in advance in case you're wondering how I left so fast. My plan is to wait for you to turn your back, them I'm going to grab all your sh*t and split. Depending on how long you were out of the room, you'll probably be thinking I can't be that far away and you'll want to foll—
(Morty drops the note and runs toward the door, only to be caught in a trap and hanging upside down from a rope in front of the doorway. Morty sees another note taped above the doorframe.)
Jerry Prime: (written) Morty, wrote this fast 'cause had to set trap. Thought you'd have cooler sh*t. See other note. Bye.
Morty: Motherfu— [Black Screen]
[Trans. Jerry Prime walking through the woods.]
Morty: (offscreen) Whoa, whoa! Slow down! Slow down!
(Morty appears riding a speedy Cronenberg.)
Morty: Not cool! Oh!
(Morty is tossed off the Cronenberg and lands on the ground)
Morty: What the hell, Dad?
Jerry Prime: Don't take it personal, Morty. That's one of the Four Agreements. I don't remember the other three, but I know Commissioner Gordon was cool with Batman moving on.
Morty: Batman doesn't abandon people!
Jerry Prime: You abandoned us.
Morty: I deserve that. But, you know, it... it improved you.
Jerry Prime: Oh, am I cool enough for you now? Well, that was easy, it only cost me f*cking everything!
Morty: Whoa, hey, I-I—
Jerry Prime: You came back and talked about us like we weren't people, Morty! Then you bailed and left us to freeze!
Morty: I-I was apologizing for that earlier—
Jerry Prime: Your mom and sister died, Morty! (sighs) And I moved on. From caring. And that is the best deal you will ever get. So take it.
Morty: Please don't go! I-if Rick comes back, we ca-we can find you a new reality. A new Mom, a new Summer, a... job!
Jerry Prime: Oh, you don't get it, kid. Except for this conversation, my life is perfect. Rick was always right. (starts to leave) Everyone needs to let go.
(Morty starts sobbing as the Cronenberg comes back)
Morty: Aww, you came back. I guess we really did form a bond.
(The Cronenberg bites Morty.)
Morty: Ow! Hey, stop it! Get away from me! (The Cronenberg roars and chases Morty.) No! Help!
[Trans. The Citadel. Summer places the beacon down.]
Summer: Alright, pin dropped, Grandpa!
(The beacon flashes blue.)
Summer: Come and get us.
[Trans. Rick travelling inside the Space Cruiser.]
Rick: Come on, come on, come on!
Diane: Baby? Something to keep in mind—if you were pulled home by whatever happened, it's likely our target was, as well. It's also likely he's having as much trouble leaving as you are.
Rick: He's trapped.
(The Space Cruiser's monitor starts beeping.)
Summer: Grandpa!
Rick: Oh, f*ck yes!
(The Space Cruiser heads faster, while a space monster heads through behind it)
Summer: Grandpa—Grandpa?
Rick: Summer! Gold star, always believed in you. N-now the hard part.
Summer: Hard part?
Rick: Way worse things than me can see that beacon, too. Hunker down and protect it while I grab Morty. Rick out! Try to survive!
Summer: Oh, sh*t. (The space monsters start heading toward them) Domestic Mom should hide, maybe?
Home Beth: "Domestic Mom?"
(They start to fight the space monsters.)
Summer: I mean, she's the cool space one.
Space Beth: Look, I'm not looking to get caught in whatever this is. You guys can both hide maybe, hash it out.
Home Beth: Oh, quit talking down. I'm you with the patience to do laundry.
Summer: Mom, stop being jealous of our bond!
Home Beth: She ran from our choices. I have to parent them.
Space Beth: It's not like I didn't care. That's what the clone was for. Aah!
(Home Beth and Space Beth are devoured alive by a monster)
Summer: Moms!
[Trans. Prime Dimension. Morty is panting and sobbing when Rick's Space Cruiser crash-lands in the distance. Morty runs towards it. Rick gets out of the Space Cruiser as many drones fly out of it.]
Rick: Morty!
Morty: Rick? I knew it! I knew you wouldn't leave me!
(Rick pulls a hair off of Morty's head)
Morty: Ow! The f*ck?
(Rick scans the hair using a device on his wrist and activates all the drones)
Rick: Morty, did you see another Rick here? Nondescript haircut, sci-fi jacket? (The device on his wrist displays a holographic map of the universe) Eh, of course you didn't see him, you'd be dead. Or you'd be a bomb. Do you feel bomby? Nah, you woulda blown up by now.
Morty: Wasn't the Rick here dead? Th-th-that's why you pick places, right?
Rick: Uh, well, your Rick, uh, yeah, not dead, more like, not around. When I met you, I was sorta hoping he might turn up one day—(a location of the holographic map starts to beep) You son of a bitch! I got you!
(Rick hops inside the Space Cruiser, followed by Morty)
Morty: W-w-where are we going?
Rick: To kill your grandpa, little buddy.
Morty: Wait, what?
[Trans. Space Cruiser has taken off again and is flying through space.]
Morty: I don't understand. My original Rick killed your family? And you were just waiting for him to come back?
Rick: Seems like you understand fine, Morty. That was A+ re-piping. (Space Cruiser stops) We're here.
(Space Cruiser lands on an invisible floor and Rick steps out)
Rick: This guy, Morty, he hates being found but loves building elaborate sh*t. Like-like-like playing a ton of Minecraft but all on a private server.
Morty: Am I in a f*cking K-hole right now? What is going on?
(Rick throws a glowing green pyramid-shaped device. It bursts and Rick Prime's hideout becomes visible.)
Rick Prime: (on a pre-recorded video displayed on a hologram projection) Whoa-ho-ho, you found me!
(Rick destroys the screen by shooting a laser at it, but a second screen pops up)
Rick Prime: I shoot the first monitor, too. Listen, I'm not here. Or am I?
(A glass container pops out, with a naked Rick inside, shivering.)
Rick Prime: There's the clone you found! Or maybe it's me, all naked! Just a lil' Keyser Söze. I mean, why would I admit it's not?
(The Rick inside the chamber starts dancing)
Rick Prime: Oh-hoho, yeah! Look at him! Look at him go! Look at him dance! O-or me. Again, it might be me, like a "Saw" thing. I'm very sneaky. Here's a bunch of killbots to deal with while ya wrestle with that.
(Many killer drones appear, activate lasers, and head toward Rick, Morty, and the Space Cruiser, but Rick jumps in front of Morty and activates an energy shield around them and the cruiser, which is destroyed by the lasers instead. Rick shoots some of the killbots while Morty gets in the cruiser.)
Rick Prime: Obviously, I don't know who I'm talking to here.
(Rick runs toward the chamber with the Rick inside, but the platforms start to move.)
Rick Prime: It's all prerecorded.
(Rick jumps across some platforms while taking out some of the drones.)
Rick Prime: But if you got this far, you probably think you're real special. Tell you what?
(The glass chamber containing the Rick slides down a tube.)
Rick Prime: Oop! There he goes! Maybe that actually was me! If you follow him down there, we can do a big fight. Fifty percent chance I'm not lying.
(Rick's arms are shot by some killer drones and fall off, but new ones with laser whips attached grow in their places. Rick destroys some more robots.)
Space Beth: (through the communication device in the Space Cruiser) We're in trouble, asshole! I shouldn't have to beg.
Morty: Wait, my moms are in trouble?
Rick: Those versions of them are.
Morty: W-we gotta save them! Rick, this is an obvious trap. If you go down there he's just gonna kill you.
Rick: Good!
Morty: What? (Gets out of the cruiser)
Rick: Now what?
Morty: If you don't care if you die, why do you care if I die?
Rick: Knock it off! Get out of here! You did this last season! You're like a suicide bomber!
Morty: Takes one to know one.
Rick: Yeah, well, you get it from him, not me.
Morty: I don't know him. You're my grandpa, Rick. Rick and Morty. A hundred years.
Rick Prime: This place totally might go up, by the way! Here's a bunch of countdowns! One of them's probably accurate.
(Many holographic timers pop up.)
[Trans. Both Beths are inside the monster's stomach, still alive.]
Space Beth: Ah, f*cking stupid 5th-dimensional stomach juices.
Home Beth: Sorry for the sitcom fight, and maybe getting us digested.
Space Beth: You've got incredible timing.
Home Beth: Oh, don't be a bitch. I'm parenting. Makes sense you don't recognize it. You've been out of practice for a while.
Space Beth: Good! I'm glad that they have you! I don't want to be "Space Mom."
Home Beth: You've made that clear. Just don't let Summer mistake your rejection of her for good taste.
Space Beth: I'm not trying to. It's all her!
(Metal claws rip through the monster's stomach. Space Beth gasps as both Beths fall out of the monster's corpse and onto a ruined chunk of the Citadel.)
Summer: Jesus! It'd be cool if you were around more. I don't wanna get married. I'm 17. My affection is the wind. Don't try to compete for it. (pauses) I could hear every word of that through the helmets. Thank f*ck I only had to kill most of them.
Home Beth: Jesus, that ship really has sailed.
(All the monster corpses come together and form a massive beast with heads on each of its tentacles.)
Space Beast: And now... we feast!
(Rick's Space Cruiser crashes into the beast. Rick gets out and starts spraying the beast with acid, killing it as it screams.)
Rick: This emergency was oversold to me.
Summer: Grandpa!
Home Beth & Space Beth: Morty!
Morty: Moms!
(Summer hugs Rick while both Beths hug Morty.)
Morty: Wait, i-if they had to wear helmets—
Rick: I do childproofing stuff while you're asleep.
Morty: Why don't you childproof Dad?
Home Beth: Ah, great reminder.
Rick: Wait!
Home Beth: Time to get Jerry.
Rick: Ugh.
[Trans. Alternate Smith Residence, the one that our Jerry is in.]
Beth 5126: Maybe I wouldn't be so uptight if I wasn't married to an unemployed receptacle of human fear!
Summer 5126: Get a job, Dad, it's been a decade.
Rick 5126: Whoof. Pretty brutal, Jer. I-I know a good alligator park if you wanna kill yourself.
Morty 5126: I got expelled today.
(Doorbell rings)
Beth 5126: What the hell, Morty?!
Rick 5126: Oh, no, you got expelled. Whoa, what a horrible thing.
Beth 5126: You are so f*cking dumb!
(Jerry leaves to open the door in the midst of the chaos)
Rick 5126: Too bad, Morty.
(Jerry opens the door to see his family waiting outside. Rick and Home Beth are at the door while Summer, Morty, and Space Beth are in the Space Cruiser)
Home Beth: Hi, hon.
(Jerry gasps. Home Beth and Jerry hug.)
Rick: Whoof, some real Season 2 vibes in there, you know what I'm sayin'?
Jerry: (to Home Beth) You know, never thought I'd say this, but I think I'm glad we spent that time divorced.
(All three start walking back to the Space Cruiser until Jerry stops)
Jerry: Eh, one second.
Rick 5126: I'll build a f*cking swing set in the backyard!
Beth 5126: What the hell Morty?
(Jerry comes back inside the house)
Jerry: You know, I may technically be from here. But I'm a goddamn interdimensional traveller now, and all of you—(flips everyone off)—can kiss my sci-fi ass.
(Starts walking backward for the door only to bump into it. Jerry opens the door and leaves.)
[Trans. Everyone has now headed back to their home universe. The family has just gotten inside. Everyone is laughing.]
Home Beth: It gets me every time.
Morty: Wow, what an amazing joke I just told. A-and also, what an adventure. You know, I guess it doesn't matter where we're from if we're together, huh? Good-good final moral thing.
Summer: This is everyone's original dimension now.
Rick: Great wrap-ups, kids.
Season 2 Jerry/Jerry C-131: Ugh, you're back.
Rick: Oh sh*t, Season 2 Jerry!
Season 2 Jerry: Look, before you bust my balls, can someone help with the shower? It's colder than Beth on her anniversary. Also... [Holding up a container with Mr. Frundles inside] Look what I found in Rick's room!
Mr. Frundles: Mmm, I'm Mr. Frundles!
Season 2 Jerry: I don't care how cute he is, we agreed! No Boogens in the house. [Releases Mr. Frundles from the container and onto the ground]
Rick: Wait, Season 2 Jerry! Don't!
Mr. Frundles: Nyaah! (Mr. Frundles bites Season 2 Jerry's leg, causing him to yelp and fall to the ground)
Morty: Oh!
Summer: Mr. Frundles!
Rick: Everybody in the car.
[Season 2 Jerry's leg turns into Mr. Frundles]
Mr. Frundles (Season 2 Jerry's Leg): Mmm, I'm Mr. Frundles!
Jerry: Wait, but I thought he was Mr. Frundles. [Pointing to the original one]
Rick: Everybody in the car! Now!
[Floor carpet becomes (species of) Mr. Frundles after the Mr. Frundles on Season 2 Jerry's leg bites it, but after our family left house. The Mr. Frundles on Season 2 Jerry's leg bites Season 2 Jerry's face, causing him to turn into Mr. Frundles. The infection spreads faster and faster.]
Many species of Mr. Frundles: (voices overlapping each other) Mmm, I'm Mr. Frundles!
[The Smith family leave Earth in Rick's space cruiser while the entire continent of North America bites South America and infects it.]
Beth: What the f*ck Dad?! Why would you bring that thing into our house?
Rick: It was cute! f*ck we gotta find a new timeline now! You know how hard that sh*t is without portals? We gotta do the thing with the Rift and the beacon again! The whole f*cking episode all over again! Car, fabricate some vomit bags.
Space Beth: Can't we just go back and fix it?
[They see Earth itself taken by Mr. Frundles.]
Mr. Frundles (Earth): Mmm, I'm Mr. Frundles!
[Trans. The Smiths have now arrived in an alternate timeline, presumably a timeline where Earth's frundlification was fixed. An alternate version of the Smith family (for some reason including Space Beth) has suffered a gruesome death. The entire living room is destroyed.]
Summer: I can't believe portal travel's broken.
Rick: I'll get to it when I get to it.
Morty: Lift with your knees, Mom.
Home Beth: How many times have you done this?
[Jerry vomits, his Rick and Morty wasn't exploded to death and disgusted at the scene]
[Trans. The Smith family is now burying the dead bodies in the backyard.]
Jerry: (grunts) Oh, God.
Home Beth: And you swear they die of natural causes?
Rick: Mm-hmm, yep.
Space Beth: The exact same as our old timeline? Even my stuff?
Rick: Bit of a rush job, actually, so they do say "parmesan" weird.
Morty: How do they say—
Rick: Par-mees-ian.
Summer: Boo.
Jerry: Jesus Christ.
Rick: I could've left you guys! You think the concept of family matters to me? I'm not even your Rick!
[The rest of the Smiths, excluding Morty, start leaving.]
Summer: Uh-huh.
Jerry: "I'm Denial Rick!"
Home Beth: See you inside, Dad.
[Trans. Both Beths are alone in the kitchen.]
Home Beth: Sorry I was such a Dance Mom about Summer. She's your daughter too.
Space Beth: No, boundaries are good. But, uh, speaking of, maybe I've put up too many. Is it okay if I come around sometimes?
Home Beth: That could be nice.
Space Beth: That's a cute outfit.
Home Beth: The one we always wear?
[Trans. Back in the backyard with Rick and Morty.]
Rick: (sighs) Yes, Morty?
Morty: You promise I'm not, you know, bait? T-to make that Rick come back?
Rick: What? M-Morty, for you to be bait, the guy'd have to value something. He truly does not give a sh*t. (pauses) He's the real deal.
[Every italics are meant to be Parmesan.]
Morty: Parmeee...san...
Rick: Par-meee-sian. Par-meee-sian.
Morty: Par...par-meee-sian.
Rick: Par-me-sian.
Morty: Gross.
Rick: Yeah.
Morty: I hate it.
[Credit roll.]
[Trans. Jerry Prime walking through the forest in Cronenberg World.]
Jerry Prime: Hello? Morty? That one big Rat?
Rick Prime: Whoa, this is a development.
Jerry Prime: Gah!
Rick Prime: Shh. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, lil guy. Easy. You're a Jerry, right? Never got too close to the concept. Boy, you have really arc'd out.
Jerry Prime: Were you putting on pants?!
Rick Prime: What?! Oh, yeah. No, I was naked to f*ck with a guy. Speaking of, did you talk to me, or a little kid around here?
Jerry Prime: Maybe. Why? Because if you hate them, too... I could be down for a little team up.
Rick Prime: Eh, I really don't "team up" anymore. Managing people, such a headache. Aah!
[Jerry slits Rick Prime's throat using a dagger.]
Jerry Prime: Fatality! Jerry wins.
[Rick Prime starts laughing as his wound heals.]
Rick Prime: Oh, goddamn dude! Badass!
[Rick Prime shoots Jerry.]
Jerry Prime: Why are you here?
Rick Prime: Buddy, I have been asking myself that exact same question.
[shoots Jerry in the head, killing him.]
